Would you sleep with a guy if he slept with your friend the night before? (No responses from Utah please.)
I absolutely hate myself for liking the Bachelor over-night episode. But I do. I look forward to it. Every time that key arrives, I secretly hope the girls will turn him down, and when they don’t, I tell my old-fashioned self that nothing intimate goes on when those Fantasy Suite doors close.
Then Nick Viall came along (gasp) and pretty much nipped my theory in the bud by asking Andi how she could dump him after they had sex in the Fantasy Suite—which might be the reason Andi and Josh are toast now. (Big Olivia teaching tool.)
Still I had faith in these women. I like them—all three of them. And I was sure Becca and Whitney would say they’d go but just to talk. That left me high-eyebrowing about Kaitlyn’s fantasy suite capers. So I couldn’t help myself. I broke my own cardinal rule. I looked on-line for a Kaitlyn preview.
Here’s the disadvantage of that. They show a clip of Chris walking Becca (Athletchics front runner) off at the rose ceremony, and instantly I am sorry Chris was picked as the bachelor at all.
Then here’s what happened:
The Already-Know-She’s-Not-a-Virgin Kaitlyn Over Night Date
Kaitlyn says she still has her guard up and is scared of losing Chris. But the magic of Bali (and the beer) brings her out of her shell.
This is how it goes: A Monkey pees on Chris. Kaitlyn says she wants to be like a monkey and go after anything she wants. They kiss. Kaitlyn said her family loved Chris. And at the evening dinner, they look goo-goo eyed at each other. They talk comfortably. Kaitlyn is excited but terrified. She’s vulnerable, and we can’t help liking her a bit.
Chris pulls out the Fantasy Suite card. Kaitlyn says yes. Chris says we’re on the same page and Kaitlyn says she’s falling in love with him. Then (uh-oh) he says he’s falling in love with her as well.
As well? I have to play it over. Yep—as well. You might say “I like that brand of wine as well” or “that large growth mutual stock as well”, but you’re in love as well? I’m not buying it. The night goes on. They sit on the bed with wine glasses. Kiss. Chris draws the shade. And we are on to sleep over number two.
Whitney (the Baby Maker) Over Night Date
We start off with Chris wondering how hard Whitney’s making-babies to counting-cows transformation will be. (Front runner.)
Here’s how the day date goes: They ride in a boat. Whitney goes on in her is-your-mommy-home voice about how normal it all feels, about her family, her sister, and her feelings for Chris. Chris reassures her he has the same feelings. Her voice rises in happiness (or was that a dolphin? we can’t tell). They jump off the boat into the water. They kiss. They kiss again. And Whitney is very confident she’ll marry Chris.
But as well as the day goes, Chris still isn’t sure she’s ready to reside in corn-shucking paradise. So the big discussion ensues on the evening date. Can she give up her job? Des Moines is three hours away. Chris doesn’t like to eat alone. He starts sweating.
So? Whitney asks. And you think she might lay into him about quitting her job. Instead she says she wants to be a wife and mother. She would leave it all behind and happily have babies. (Give me a break.) It’s not where you are, it’s who you are with. They kiss. Chris says he’s falling in love and could see himself proposing to Whitney.
The card comes. Whitney says check please, and they end up in a fantasy suite dappled with candles and rose pedals. Whitney feels confident that it is time to start a life with this man. (Let’s hope not tonight.)
Becca’s Brace-Yourself-I’m-A-Virgin Over Night Date
Becca announces (to us not Chris) that not only is she a virgin, but she is waiting until marriage. Chris admits he’s a little concerned that Becca has never been in love (to us not Becca).
The day date goes like this: They play in a village with kids. Visit a temple. Becca says (to us not Chris) it would be devastating if her virginity was a deal breaker. Immediately, the camera switches to a strange, sooth-saying medium who advises her to make love to Chris tonight. (Yikes!) Chris is amazed at how good it feels to be with Becca. They kiss in a babbling brook.
Then, just in case we like Becca, the producers once again show a preview of Chris calling Becca out at the rose ceremony. (Blood boils.) Then they cut to the evening date. Becca says she’s having new feelings. Chris says he loves who Becca is and can envision his life with her but is still concerned.
Becca says finding someone to marry is a really big deal. She only wants to do this once. Arlington is small. She doesn’t want to go there until she is sure. But she’s been sorting through her feelings. She misses him. She thinks she’s falling in love. Then it happens. Chris gets a smile that gives me a glimmer of hope. He says he is crazy about her. She’s incredible, and it’s time to know each other on a whole different level. (Not so fast Casanova). It’s a big day for them. They proceed to the fantasy suite.
Then she drops the bomb. She’s falling in love, but she sighs and admits she’s a virgin. He does that little thing he does when he doesn’t know what to say. (Chin up, tiny nod, hard blink, pensive look.) He stumbles over his words, but says he respects her. It says a lot about who she is (remotely familiar to Jade-bunny talk). But Becca thinks his response is perfect, and she can’t wait for the alone time. She’s 100% in, and we think everything is dandy until the next morning Chris says he doesn’t know where he stands with her. He’s terrified. He has to send Becca, Kaitlyn or even Whitney home. (Front runner Whitney confirmation.) Then he cries (again) and mopes around Bali in dull-drum Arlington-attire.
The Much Feared Rose Ceremony
We’re holding our hands over our eyes because we know what’s coming. Chris tells Chris he knows what he’s going to do. Then he walks up to the roses, takes a look at the three women and asks Becca if he can talk to her.
Whitney smiles but then catches herself and says she doesn’t know what to think. She tells us Becca said she thinks she’s going home. Kaitlyn can’t contain herself. She’s thrilled Becca is leaving.
We hold our breath while Chris and Becca talk, and we wait to see if he comes back with her or not.
Oh shoot, we hear Kaitlyn say, and then we see Chris and Becca walking back to the rose ceremony holding hands. No time is wasted. Chris picks up a rose and says…Whitney….
I am out of my seat jumping up and down. Please say Becca. Please say Becca. And he does say Becca. Phew. (Exhausting.) We sit back sure he did the right thing. Whitney and Becca are the right choice.
We watch him walk Kaitlyn out. She doesn’t understand. What happened? Nothing happened. This is excruciating. He had no idea this would be this hard. And suddenly, it occurs to us he could have slept with her, but we don’t care. We just feel bad for her. She’s crushed. She can barely talk. We hear sobbing when they hug, and for as much as I hate it when Chris cries, I wish it is him. But it’s not.
He says goodbye. She says she doesn’t want to go, but (que sera sera—this is looking too much like real life) he opens the door for her anyhow, and she goes. And while I’m quite sure there is some deep, dark lesson to be learned by Olivia tonight, right now, I just feel bad I didn’t like Kaitlyn a little more. (Sigh.)
See you next week for the Bachelor Tells All.