Kupah throws a tantrum outside Bachelorette paradise after last week’s interview bomb and big boot. He doesn’t want to do the bye-bye interview.
Kaitlyn becomes distracted during her interview by all his hollering and goes outside to confront him alone. (Even Big Ben Z doesn’t budge from the couch to go along.)
She confronts him. He says he doesn’t want to go home. She says too bad. He promises not to yell anymore and then melts into a pathetic loud whisper about whispering after she leaves. He says he doesn’t even like her and rides away into after-my-fifteen-minutes-of-fame world.
Kaitlyn cries, finishes her interview, talks to the guys, then Chris Harrison spoils the fun by announcing it’s time for the rose ceremony.
And the Roses Go To:
Voted-for-Britt-but-don’t-want-to-go-home Jared, the other Ben (H), Shawn (no surprises so far), Jonathon, the Kleenex Gifter, Cupcake Chris, Brian (where’d he come from?), Justin, Ian, Almonzo Josh, Joe, Corey with an e, and don’t-legalize-marijuana Tony. (Seriously? Guru guy?)
The other guys leave. She cries and says she was attracted to Cory but he needed to be with his daughter. (Weird) But not as weird as…
The Morning Wake-up Call for the Group Date
Fat men clang drums and a fatty Yama is introduced. We have to wait for a few minutes for Chris Harrison to reveal Yama is a guy. (We weren’t sure.) He weighs in at 600 pounds.
Kaitlyn has picked six guys for this next date, and they put on sumo wrestling thongs to show off their butts.
JJ says everyone looks good–except Tony must have partied his ass off because it was nonexistent. Joe flaunts his junk. Cupcake Chris shudders and the fat guys go at it. Then the bachelors go at the fat guys . Diapers fly. Tony says he is not aggressive but peaceful and loving and asks for a boat ride.
JJ accuses Tony of bothering Kaitlyn, and Tony tells him to get the “f” out of there. (Tony’s got some balls.) Almonzo says Tony is crazy but JJ had no right to go at Tony, and Jonathon walks Kaitlyn away from the ugly situation.
The date gets somber. Ian tries to calm Tony. Kaitlyn tries to talk to Tony. Tony talks spirituality, development and primal instincts. His nipples twitch. (Yes they did.) Kaitlyn hugs him and goes back to the date while Tony sits on a ledge.
The date moves to an outside makeshift arena. The bachelors ride in on bikes. (Tony is a no show.) They disrobe and show off their butts to the public. (Awkward.)
JJ thinks Kaitlyn is checking him out. Kaitlyn wrestles one of the fat guys. He lets her win and then it is the bachelors’ turn. JJ hams it up, Joe shakes his butt. And Joe flips JJ and wins. Clint flips Joe, Cupcake and then takes selfies with the crowd.
Back at the ranch Tony says he wants to go to the zoo, and he can’t do this anymore. He packs and leaves. (Ho hum.) But before he rides into the new-age sunset, he stops at the on-going date, gives Kaitlyn a flower and says goodbye to her under the moon. (She sweetly tries to hide her unconcern.)
The rest of the date goes like this: Interviews fly. Clint plays hard to get. Shawn gets the rose. Clint sulks in frustration. Kaitlyn tells Clint he ignored her all day. Clint says Kaitlyn isn’t the girl for him but he’s glad he’s there because JJ is sweet. (Start of another show?)
Be Ready for Anything Date
Kaitlyn gets a date card from Chris Harrison. Ben Z gets one, too. Harrison has set up the date and Kaitlyn excitedly calls Ben Z a babe soda. (Gag.)
They proceed to a junk yard, then a building. Harri tells them to walk through a door. It will lock behind them. They go. There are birds. Kaitlyn freaks out. There is blood, bodily limbs, gas, spiders, clues and snakes (Ben freaks out ). They wander aimlessly, grasping at how-to-get-out clues until, with less than a minute to spare, they break out, live, walk away hand in hand and have a great date later in the evening.
Big Ben gets a rose.
The Sex Group Date
Bachelors Jonathon, Ben H , Almonzo Josh, Brian, Jared, and Tanner must have the birds and bees talk with school children (don’t get all bent out of shape–they are child actors).
Each gets a topic to teach from their pretend school lockers and Kaitlyn says this will separate the men from the boys.
Ryan B talks female anatomy, vaginas, important parts and butts. Jonathon answers questions about the four bases, homeruns, sex positions, wet dreams, and condems. Tanner puts a condem on a banana. Almonzo Josh talks blood, tampons, and periods pretty poorly (no sisters?). Then Ben H hits a homerun himself by turning a reproduction lesson into a beautiful story of the love between a man and woman.
They have a great evening date and good interviews. Kaitlyn dances pretty close to Jared, but gives the rose deservingly to Ben H. (Woohoo, new front runner.)
The Back-at-the-Ranch Bromance
JJ and Clint bond, and Justin calls their bonding a bromance. They chill by the pool, cook together and sit on the couch playing games shirtless. Clint says JJ owns him. Justin says the two have a little pep in their step when they are together, and JJ says Clint squeezed his zit in the shower the night before. (TMI.)
Later they talk turtles in the hot tub, strum the guitar together and Clint admits he may be too close to JJ. He said falling in love with a man on the Bachelorette never crossed his mind. He said he doesn’t like Kaitlyn, but his is still a success story.
The Rose Ceremony
JJ talks hope for a lot of other bachelors to get the hack. (He must not be feelin’ Clint’s love.) Clint says things didn’t go well for him but he loves JJ. Then he grabs Kaitlyn away from the others right off the bat, says the big sumo boy must have adjusted his diaper so tight that he lost his balls. (Something like that.) Then he apologizes. (Bi-sexual?) Lies. (Nope.) And Kaitlyn says he seems genuine. (Wait until she sees this episode at the Bachelors tell all.)
Once alone, Clint again admits he isn’t interested in Kaitlyn then goes to JJ and tells him how cute he is. JJ mentions his pants. Clint says he loves JJ and wants to stay for him not Kaitlyn.
JJ and Clint fear the other boys are going to mention their bonding to Kaitlyn. And the boys do. Josh drops names. And Clint and JJ blah, blah, blah on. Kaitlyn pulls Clint aside to talk and leads him toward the fireplace, saying it is cold….
To be continued….woohoo…can’t wait..
But we don’t have to wait a week for the fun because Tuesday night Jimmy Kimmel shows clips of the bachelors proclaiming their love for Kaitlyn and clips of Kaitlyn’s interviews…only it is Kaitlyn Jenner. (You gotta love him! I’m starting to look forward to his reviews as much as the show!)