The Bachelorette bromance is over.
If you missed this episode, then you missed the lover’s quarrel and separation between Clint and JJ. Never mind Kaitlyn. She pulled Hunk-of-a-guy Clint away from his bragging spree with the boys, so he could brag to her and talk JJ. She said it wasn’t about JJ, and his wheels went into a backslide of mud so thick we didn’t know what he was talking about. Neither did Kaitlyn. She had enough and sent him packing. (Woohoo!)
But not until he received a send off from the boys.
She dragged his sorry butt back inside and announced to the guys that he was going to leave. JJ flipped on him and the bus wheels rolled over Clint’s stunned face. He appeared more upset about JJ’s rejection than Kaitlyn’s.
JJ and Clint take a moment alone before he leaves. They break the record for the most swearing in Bachelorette history. Their bromance severs, and Clint high-tails it out of there with a touching “Hey that tie goes great with your shirt.” (And we reminisce I-like-your-pumps Britt.)
Kaitlyn toodaloo’s him. JJ cries. Actually he more than cries. He sobs. The guys badger him. Kaitlyn thinks out lout, puts on a gown and then says she’s confused, tired (coming unglued).
She announces there will be no rose ceremony. (Does this chic know she’s on TV?) There is a lull in the room. The guys aren’t sure they are happy because JJ is still there. JJ sighs and cries, but we can’t figure out if it is over Clint or Kaitlyn.
Then all are off to the big apple.
The Log Group Date
Jonathan, Justin, Big Ben Z, Corey, Not-sure-who-he-is Ryan , Kleenex-gifter Tanner, JJ (no cheer), and Shawn win the date.
Immediately, JJ talks the talk; he’s ramped up. Kaitlyn says she needs a guy that can make fun of himself, and they all skip off to Rapper-Dougy world.
The boys have to team up and compete in a rap battle. Shawn picks Justin, and Kaitlyn says she can’t remember anything they said after Shawn flashed his abs. Corey picks JJ, Big Ben raps against Tanner, Jonathon battles Ryan, and the crowd is groovin’. (Except they boo JJ for his cheap shot about hoes in NYC.)
Kaitlyn is loving it so much that we scramble to turn down the volume on the remote. (OMG–does anyone else hate that laugh?) Then we see them–Nick and Ashley from prior Bachelor shows are sitting in the crowd.
Kaitlyn spots Ashley then realizes Nick is there. Evidently they’ve never met but flirted on the bachelor-losers line. She asks if he is staying. He says it’s her decision. She gets nauseous then goes to tell the guys about him.
Shawn asks if she isn’t confident in who is there. Shes says yes. Corey says she doesn’t sound confident. Shawn gets upset. Jonathon needs some time. And Kaitlyn leaves to go hug and kiss Nick. She tells him she needs to sleep on it. (She’s excited but not stoked.)
She goes back. Drinks some wine. Justin says go ahead Kaitlyn, bring Nick if you want, and his kind words get him the rose. Tanner says it is the least meaningful rose in Bachelorette history.
The Not-a-date Morning Meet
In the morning, Kaitlyn gets her hair done by Is-that-an-onion Ashley. (You read that right.) Ashley looks stunningly beautiful. She curls Kaitlyn’s hair–in almost normal conversation. (I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. ) And the two blah, blah, blah love, feelings and Nick.
Kaitlyn talks to Nick. She is so confused it becomes annoying. Then she blah, blahs with him, and we doze off waiting for her to make up her mind. She asks him to stay, and frankly we don’t even care anymore.
She kisses him again and, for the first time ever, I fast forward through my first-time of watching a Bachelorette scene.
The Can’t-get-my-mind-off Nick One-on-one Date
Kaitlyn tilts her head and thinks about Nick at first during her date with Voted-for-Britt Jared. But Jared pulls her away. He’s kind, sweet, says he doesn’t want to spend his time with her scourging Nick. He totally wins her over, gets the rose, and we think he has moved up a few pegs on Kaitlyn’s list. They fly away in a romantic helicopter ride over NYC.
Tellin’ the Boys
She announces that Nick is going to move into the guys hotel room the next day. She says it doesn’t take away from anything she has with anyone. They are quiet. She doesn’t like the energy in the room. Almonzo Josh says it’s rough, and Who-the-Heck-is-he Ryan says it stinks. The guys talk fairly civil about it after she leaves, and we are on to another boring group date.
The Aladdin Group Date
Ian, Chris, Tenneesee-twang Kentuckian Joe, Almonzo Josh and Ben H tag along with Kaitlyn to a theatre. They announce they will be auditioning for a no-speaking-barely-on-stage spot in tonight’s performance.
They take them on stage, and (there’s no other way to say this) they all stink at dancing. Their singing isn’t much better except for Ian who kills it. But Ian didn’t make the short-list Kaitlyn gave to producers on who she would go on the night date with. Chris did, so despite his over acting and bad voice, he won the audition. (Not a good sign for Ian.)
They perform. Traipse off to Time Square. Chris gets the rose, and we are bored beyond measure.
Next Week Clips
He’s Backkkkkkkk. Producers try to cheer us up. We see Nick pulling his suitcase into the Bachelor’s hotel room and hear him ask what’s up guys, but no more. They switch to Britt and What’s-his-name. Britt is still saving face. What’s-his-name is still her boyfriend, and we all go to bed with the feeling that maybe Britt as the Bachelorette might have been better after all.
We are holding on until next week, but honestly, Kaitlyn is moving down more than one peg at a time…
________________________________________________________________________ Cyndie Zahner is a freelance writer. Follow her on Twitter at @tweetyz or on Instagram at athletchicz