Reality Recap April 9-15

The week starts off of Monday with American Idol duet week, 12 of the top 24 paired with star talent like Train lead singer Pat Monaghan, the guy who sings Despacito, Sugarland, some random girl named Bishop Briggs, Allen Stone, Andy Grammar who the F are these people and Aloe Blacc. The judges kept saying everyone was great so it was a shock that they actually voted anyone off, but they did say goodbye to Layla Spring, KayKay, Trevor, Dominique and Brandon. No I don’t know remember who most of those people are and yes that weird Catie girl is still in and I hope she wins! The most notable thing from the entire episode was Katy Perry looked ri-GD-diculous in some bogus ass off the shoulder gold dress! It was hideous, trust me and go Google it!

On my favorite show, Vanderpump Rules all hell is breaking loose like it normally is as the crew heads back to LA after their trip to Mexico. Kristen has to explain her alone time with James to her boyfriend Carter, who is the most amazing man in the world and stays calm and tells Kristen not to put herself in those kinds of situations. Jax decides to confront Adam about trying to get with Brittany. Poor Adam has no idea what Jax is talking about because clearly Scheana made all this shit up. Adam is not into Brittany and knew she was with Jax. Jax loses it and flips out on basically everyone at SUR including Lisa and Ken. He stands at the hostesses podium flipping everyone the bird before heading out front to bitch at Sandoval.

In another world, on Teen Mom OG, Farrah is still no where to be seen and we all are so very grateful for that. Poor Catelynn who just got out of rehab has to go back because she is having troubles. Mackenzie and Ryan are pregnant but Ryan gives zero shits, is being an ass and still looks high.

On Tuesday we catch up with The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills who are still hanging out in Berlin. Vanderpump has to leave to get an award for her dog movie. A compassion award, HA! The girls are taking a boat ride and they are all scared looking back on the past boat rides they’ve had over the years. Erika is late getting on the boat as we find out it takes forever getting into a latex outfit. She gets out of a car an walks towards the boat nearly getting run over by a bike at which point she eyes the camera man and continues to catwalk towards the boat. Can you imagine wearing latex?! My God this woman is strong, I’ve run marathons, birthed a baby but I could NOT wear latex for even a short amount of time! That is one tough bitch and that is way she is my Real Housewives GOAT! You keep on keeping on girl! She then takes the girls on a journey down a dark, wet alley scaring the shit out of them all to take them to an invite only restaurant where they have dinner and she calls out Teddi for her pretend amensia comment! “I have one issue pretend amnesia”. Dorit can’t go on though, bitch needs to make sure the candles at the table are lit. She can’t sit, not even for a moment, and look at unlit candle! Who is Dorit? To Dorit, Hell is a place where people look at unlit candles and drink out of the wrong glasses! Whatever! Erika and Teddi finally squash their shit because again, Erika is EVERYTHING! Rinna realizes that the girls are having the time of their life and all getting along because VANDERPUMP isn’t there! I actually 100% agree with this!

On the finale of the Challenge: Vendettas you knew right away you weren’t going to know who won when you read your TV guide and it said, “Part 1”. Here we go again! We have to sit through listening to The Miz mediate a bunch of really lame conversations and arguments amongst the cast. We find out Nicole has hooked up with Gemmy, that one annoying girl from the U.K. is a huge bitch to Nelson and says he’s a stalker, Cara Maria and Kyle aren’t dating they were just having fun, I shed a little tear about that. They pulled a grenade on us and won’t tell us who won until next week. Yawn.

In Married at First Site the couples get back from their second honeymoon and are almost to decision day. Jonathan and Molly have not spoken in days. Molly finally gets caught in a lie as her therapist calls her the F out which almost sends Molly off the deep end. Jonathan video taped a rant of her calling him disgusting after she was in a bar flirting with another guy on their second honeymoon. I think I know how this relationship will end come decision day! In the meantime Jacqueline needs to get out of this marriage while she still can, Ryan sucks and has sucked the entire season.

Wacky Wednesday gets new life as The Real Housewives of New York comes on. Carole completes the NYC Marathon in 6 hours, Luann wants to be the Countess, oh no honey, last season you went against everyone’s advice and twirled and said, “The only title I’d trade Countess for is Wife”…no no no, there is no going back. The wannabe Countess continues to toot her own horn by bragging about her music saying she has 3 dance hits acting like people are jealous?! Girl the only thing people are jealous of is the balls you got on you to get up and sing being as tone def as you are!

Survivor has officially become the most boring show on television. I don’t even know why I’m talking about it. Domenick is acting like a complete dbag but no one cares, I want to barf just mentioning his name. They all decide to vote off the only hot guy left on the island, Chris, while a Childish Gambino look alike busts on him telling him to stop rapping. “Put the mic down put the pen down ur trash at rapping chris “the rapper”.”

While getting ripped on Thirsty Thursday, we all head back down south in Charleston, where the cast of Southern Charm is literally grilling up their best session yet, in Episode 2 Craig is still acting like a salty woman who’s been trapped in the kitchen all day except he clearly doesn’t know what he is doing, I could watch him attempt to cook all day. Shep calls Craig his foil but by the end they are actually getting along. In the meantime, Naomi Kathryn Danni and Chelsea make up the “Break Up Bunch” and I seriously am about to get a divorce and move to Charleston to join them #squadgoals they come into Sheps party with a bang! Thomas’ new girlfriend, Ashely, is thirsty AF and is just trying to cause problems, her and Kathryn have a very awkward conversation/introduction. Ashley is clingy AF because she sees how Thomas looks at Kathryn and is scared. Ashley makes Thomas come into the bathroom with her later in the episode, eye roll! If you are home bored go find Ashley on Instagram and notice her and Landon are besties, boring! And read people trashing her in her comments section! My god! Entertainment for days! The show comes to a close with Naomi calling out JD HARDCORE and embarrassing him infront of everyone! Let’s get the good old boys!

On the Jersey Shore Family Vacation stuff finally starts to heat up as Snooki and Vinny start to get really awkward. Basically Snooki cheated on Gianni with Vinny before they were married so Gianni probably isn’t happy that years later a better looking Snooki is going to be living with an even better looking Vinny in Miami for a while. Nicole wants Vin to stay away claiming he is trying to ruin her marriage bc he keeps messing with her. In the meantime the crew goes rock climbing and in a race between nicole and Deena to the top of a rock wall, deena destroys snooks leaving her the job of cleaning up after ronnies bathroom mishaps. I literally almost gagged just watching this!

Last night, Sunday on Real Housewives of Atlanta we are on part two of the three part reunion. Marlo wants everyone to Google her business, Simply Marlo LLC. I did and literally nothing came up! She dated a billionaire who bought her home and her mom’s home. Eva comes out and is about to give birth as she’s literally in labor and her contractions are 10 mins apart. Andy questions Kim about her big ass lips.

Finally, Khloe announces her baby’s name…. True Thompson!

Talk to you all next week!
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